Clearly, I Need Professional Help.

8 Nov

I think I have a problem. Every time a new magazine or pattern book comes out, I become obsessed with a pattern that is just completely out of the question. Last time, it was this pattern from Interweave’s Folk Style. I have never in my life worn any thing even remotely like it, and for very good reason. My ample derrière in a red wool skirt could reasonably be considered a crime against humanity (and let’s not even get into the appliquéd felt flowers issue). Nonetheless, for the better part of a week I could not stop gazing wistfully at that skirt.

More recently, it’s the latest issue of Interweave Knits that is doing my head in. Specifically, this pattern. As well as the aforementioned rear bumper, I also am blessed with quite broad shoulders (which do go some way towards balancing the breadth of my beam, but still…); this means that any sweater with a feature yoke makes me look something like this guy (picked him for you, Amy). Factor in the colourwork band around the hips, and the total lack of shaping in the body, and you have a recipe for disaster. None of that matters. I WANT THE BONBON PULLOVER!!!


Does anybody know if there’s a twelve step programme for people like me?

In other news, I am having gauge-related issues with my Dad ‘s Christmas socks. Which means swatching. I know it’s good for me, and I will hold my nose and choke it down, but I just can’t help making a face at the taste (kind of like that Yakult stuff – you know why it’s called Yakult? ‘Cause that’s the noise you make when you swallow it!).

While I wait for therapy, I am consoling myself:


The Pinwheel has reached the Amorphous Blob stage, and gets less photogenic with each round that I knit, but I am loving it. Also featured: coffee in my favourite mug, home-baked Ginger Snap cookies, and Brother Cadfael.

Things that make me smile.


7 Responses to “Clearly, I Need Professional Help.”

  1. amy November 8, 2007 at 1:21 pm #

    Ah, spreading Brady love ‘cross the globe. 🙂

    I liked the old models in IK much better. They all look so…prissy in this issue, somehow. All haute coteur and whatnot. (I have no idea how to spell that, thank you.) Maybe they should have an issue with all Knits for Men modeled by NFL hunks. Think anyone would buy it but me?

  2. elizabeth November 8, 2007 at 2:51 pm #

    The pullover is awesome and I’m sure you could make it work. Try it!!

  3. Mandie November 8, 2007 at 5:09 pm #

    It’s ok. Maybe we could get a 2 for 1 deal on the professional help cos I am lusting after the skirt too…..!

  4. Taphophile November 8, 2007 at 6:46 pm #

    I reckon it’s a sign of a great pattern if I want it and am prepared to knit it, all the while knowing I’ll NEVER be able to wear it. My relationship with Norah Gaughan is based on this principle. It’s lust, enduring lust, but lust nonetheless. Your medication appears to be about right, though. Love a good bikkie, and Br Cadfael.

  5. becky c. November 8, 2007 at 11:17 pm #

    I clicked on the Yakult link and just reading the description made me nauseous. Ugh! Your pinwheel sweater is gonna be so purty – you have reached the rastafarian hat stage. Would I like Brother Cadfael?

  6. KTMay November 9, 2007 at 12:20 am #

    I am lost in happiness staring at that picture…coffee, cookies, knitting, a good book…ahhhhhhhhhh. I think I’ll just stay here awhile and soak up all the warmth.

    That sweater is really quite lovely. When (and if) I have the skill, I would attempt that fer sure!

    Also…yes…my dog tolerates me because she has NO choice. hee hee

  7. Regenia November 10, 2007 at 12:28 am #

    Always the enabler I am. I’ve thought pretty hard about that pattern and the only thing stopping me is the three colorwork kits hanging out in the stash that I’ve not done because of colorwork. Here is the solution. Work shaping into it by switching to a smaller needle around the waist. It’s won’t affect the color part because you won’t change how many stitches there are. Then, instead of sticki9ng brights where we least need attention, consider either shades of grey or navy, burgundy, and hunter…. those colors always make me think of Oxford for absolutely no logical reason. The darker tones will help to deemphasize those parts. I have broad shoulders compared with my hips, so I’d probably use darher shades at the yoke and brighter/lighter shades of the same color at the hip. Play with it, I bet one of these options will make it perfect for you. Especially if you wear it with a smile instead of that “I’m hot and I know it” expression the model has…. that expression begs for me to find a flaw 😛

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