I am mean.

6 Mar

I am the meanest mother on Earth. I know this because I am told so on a regular basis:

  • I am mean because I refuse to pay $2.25 for 15 chocolate chip cookies, when I can make 84 of the buggers for no money down because I have all the ingredients right here in my pantry.  And mine taste better anyway, so there.
  • I am mean because after four days of dicking about not doing his homework, I made Boyo sit down and actually do it this morning instead of watching television.
  • I am also mean because when he didn’t finish it this morning, I reminded him that it was his responsibility, his fault, his problem and now his job to go to school and explain to his teacher why it wasn’t finished.
  • I am quite certain that his explanation will be that his homework is unfinished because his mother is mean.
  • I am mean every single morning, because I turn the television off at 8.45am (8.20am on Mondays and Tuesdays, which days I go to TAFE) and make them go to school on time.
  • I am also mean because I make them walk unless there is actual rain actually falling from the actual sky.
  • I am mean because I expect them to make their beds and tidy up both the bedroom and playroom. Worse yet, I make them do it Every. Single. Day.
  • I am mean because I won’t give them chips or lollies at snack time. I make them have things like fruit, or those horrible home-baked cookies, with a glass of milk besides.
  • I am mean because I cook them healthy food and serve it to them at mealtimes. Which we eat at the dinner table. With the television off.
  • I am mean because I expect them to eat said healthy food, without starting fights, and chew with their mouths closed, and not speak with their mouths full, and use cutlery where appropriate, and NOT put their feet on the table, and…
  • I am mean because I make them have a bath each night before they go to bed.
  • I am mean because I make them go to bed at 8pm each night. Sometimes earlier if they are obviously tired.
  • I am mean beacuse if they get up for a drink of water, I send them back to bed.
  • I am mean because I won’t let them sleep in our bed with us.
  • I am mean because I have banned them from setting foot in our bedroom unless specifically invited.
  • I am mean because I won’t let them play on my computer.
  • I am mean because I only let them play on the Wii on weekends, IF they have done the right thing during the week, and even then ONLY for an hour at a time.
  • I am mean because I don’t buy them toys/chips/lollies/sugary drinks every time we go to the shops.
  • I am mean because yesterday, when I had tired of hearing “You’re MEAN!”(stomp!) every thirty seconds from Sasquatch, I sent him to his room.

And you know what? I have every intention of continuing my evil ways. Quick, somebody call DoCS!


10 Responses to “I am mean.”

  1. amy March 6, 2009 at 9:40 am #

    Wow. Your kids would REALLY hate me. I only let my kids watch TV when they’re sick. They have no idea what a Wii is. I think I have it easier in some ways because they’re not in school, getting their head filled with all that peer nonsense. 🙂

    They also know lollipops are off limits because Mama doesn’t think it wise to let children eat things on pointy sticks. Hey, it’s our job to keep ’em safe and healthy, right? So sometimes they’re gonna hate us. I can live with that.

  2. Tinkingbell March 6, 2009 at 1:36 pm #

    How strange – I am supposed to be the meanest mother in the universe – because not only do I do all the same stuff you do, we do not have a Wii, I make them go to bed by 7.30, and I refuse to allow certain toys (which apparently EVERYBODY has) into our house.

    I also do not let them watch commercial television under any circumstances (they have only seen it when husbeast watches cricket) and I am particularly mean because i insist all dinner is eaten before anything resembling dessert is allowed. And often I give them fruit for dessert. (raspberries and cherries!). and I insist they try stuff – even if it looks horrible!

    and wash their hands.

    and dress themselves.

    Iam mean mean mean!

  3. 2paw March 6, 2009 at 2:04 pm #

    You are so not mean!!! Have you met Everyone else? as in ‘Everyone else is allowed to -insert dangerous or inappropriate activity here-‘!!!

  4. Janet McKinney March 6, 2009 at 2:13 pm #

    I suspect if DoCS was informed, you would be up for the Mother of the Year award! Well done

  5. Kate March 6, 2009 at 7:52 pm #

    Friday afternoon. We get home. I refuse to allow any child to have tv, computer or a visit to children across the road until The Whole Toy Area Is Tidied Up. Even when that takes ONE AND A HALF HOURS, past tv, computer and play time and into dinner. And then because we are late finishing, __there were no stories__!!!!
    I’m with you sista!!

  6. Regenia March 6, 2009 at 11:33 pm #

    84 homemade chocolate chip cookies? I wish my mom was as mean as you. Actually she was horrible.She told me when I got to high school that she’d buy me alcohol and condoms. This made it completely impossible to rebel and took all the fun out of it. Darn her for giving me the ability to make good decisions 😀

  7. joyknits March 6, 2009 at 11:56 pm #

    Hooray for you – way to go 🙂

  8. Lynne March 7, 2009 at 4:23 pm #

    You’re mean mum!! But oh so responsible and sensible and careful and caring and….

    Good on ya mum! One day they’ll thank you for it [when they have their own kids!!]

  9. JulieT March 8, 2009 at 4:29 am #

    You meanie.

    I’m a meanie too. I turn off the cartoons when the kid does things she knows she’s not supposed to.

    Yay for meanie mums!!

    …and I’ll have a couple of those cookies, please.

  10. Leonie March 20, 2009 at 9:36 am #

    Mean mums are just the best.
    Bouncing on the couch? Sit on the floor.
    Running or shouting in the house? Relocated to outside with the back door firmly closed.
    Yelling at mum or dad? Relocated to bedroom until the “nice” version of said child returns.
    At least they know where they stand.
    My mum was a meanie (she had to be she had 6 kids over 10 years) and we all love her!

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